I can't take much more

For once I thought things were going to get better but  forget that life has this way of fucking with me by making me think things will be ok then ripping that hope away from me. I thought I had a place to live but turns out Im just a guest now. Even though I'm paying rent, Im still a guest since i don't pay that much and live in the living room. Just because the new roommate who pays more rent and has very little to worry about has small stupid irrational issues with me being there the way i am. because she wants to have her uptight boyfriend over. I can't even listen to my own music while I'm there because she doesn't like it. just because she pays more rent than i do I have to kiss her ass and do what she wants. I just need a chance to get my shit together. nothing goes right for me ever. I try. I tried. Im close to giving up. I've been getting these images of certain people's face when they find out I've gone. I've thought about what they might say, or if they'd cry or not. Obviously my family would take it the hardest. my friends would be hurt and sad as well. I've also been sort of wanting to get in a bad car wreck and die that way. I keep playing all these scenarios in my head. The thing is that it doesn't bother me at all. I've had it at this point. I'm tired of feeling like a complete failure and a constant disappointment in life. I wake up every morning disappointed at the fact that I woke up. I have nothing to look forward to. I have no future. I tried school and now i can't go because of some small bullshit that won't allow me to get financial aide. I haven't been able to get a job. I think I've been blacklisted or something no one seems to be getting back to me. Even the jobs that I had friends at. my friends aren't getting back to me either. I feel like no one wants to give me a break. I'm thankful that I at least have some kind of job at Lucky's but its not enough for me to get a place or support myself. I'm literally stuck in this shithole of a situation. and as much as I want and try to get out of it I always seem to fall back in. Its not fair. I'm a good person, I don't do anything wrong to anyone. Yet for some reason I get the shit end of the stick everytime something goes right in my life. I don't think I'm meant to be happy.